Talking About Pornography

As young people grow, curiosity about relationships, bodies, and sex is natural. For many teens and young adults today, pornography becomes one of their first sources of sexual information. This can be especially true for young people with neurodevelopmental disabilities, who may not have had access to the same kinds of social learning or comprehensive sex education as their peers.

Many parents feel anxious or unsure about how to talk to their child about pornography — especially if they’ve already been exposed to it. This article is here to help you understand the potential impacts of pornography and how to have supportive, non-shaming conversations with your young person.

Understanding the Potential Harms of Mainstream Pornography

Mainstream pornography often gives a very unrealistic view of sex and relationships. It usually:

• Focuses on performance rather than pleasure or emotional connection

• Shows little or no consent or communication between partners

• Presents bodies, genitals, and sexual functioning in unrealistic ways

• Often portrays aggressive or degrading behaviour, especially towards women

• Leaves out diversity, including people with disabilities, LGBTQ+ people, and people of different body shapes and sizes

These messages can affect how young people form their sexual values, especially if pornography is their main source of sexual information. Some possible impacts include:

• Believing sex should look like porn, which can create anxiety or pressure

• Confusing porn with real-life expectations about how bodies “should” look or behave

• Difficulty understanding consent and boundaries

• Repeating harmful behaviours seen in porn without recognising they may be unsafe or disrespectful

For young people with neurodevelopmental disabilities, these risks can be higher if they experience challenges with social communication, impulse control, or interpreting social cues.

Why Young People May Turn to Pornography

It can be helpful to understand why your child might be watching pornography. Some common reasons include:

• Curiosity about sex and bodies

• Lack of other accessible or relatable sexual education

• Exploring sexual orientation or identity

• Peer influence or wanting to “catch up” with others

• Using porn as a coping strategy for boredom, stress, or loneliness

Recognising this can help you respond with empathy rather than punishment or shame. It’s important your child feels safe talking to you — so they can learn, ask questions, and seek support if they see something confusing or upsetting.

How to Talk to Your Young Person About Pornography

Here are some tips for approaching these conversations:

1. Stay calm and non-judgemental

Avoid shaming or punishing them for their curiosity. Instead, treat it as an opportunity to talk about healthy sexuality.

2. Clarify what porn is — and isn’t

Explain that pornography is made to entertain and make money. It’s not an accurate or healthy guide for real-life sex or relationships.

3. Talk about consent and respect

Emphasise that real sexual relationships involve mutual agreement, respect, and care for each other’s feelings. Discuss how porn often skips this.

4. Talk about safety and privacy

Explain the importance of privacy when viewing sexual content (for example, in private spaces, using headphones) and respecting the privacy of others (never sharing or posting sexual images or videos of real people).

5. Help them think critically

Teach them to ask questions like:
“Does everyone in this video look like they are enjoying themselves?”
“Would this be safe or respectful in real life?”

6. Offer positive alternatives

Provide resources with accurate, inclusive sexual information that are designed to be accessible (visual, plain language, neurodivergent-friendly). These can give them healthy models of relationships and sexuality.

Creating a Supportive Environment

• Make ongoing conversations the norm. Instead of a one-off “talk,” build ongoing, small discussions over time.

• Use clear language. Avoid metaphors or abstract terms. Be concrete and direct, especially if your young person has communication or processing differences.

• Respect their privacy. Offer guidance while also recognising their right to explore sexuality safely and privately.

• Get professional support. Sexologists, psychologists, or occupational therapists experienced in disability and sexuality can help build your child’s skills for navigating relationships, sexual feelings, and media.

Key Messages for Your Young Person

• Pornography is not real life

• Consent, respect, and communication are essential in real relationships

• Your body is normal as it is — not like what’s shown in porn

• Sexuality is personal and private, and should never harm or disrespect others

• It’s okay to ask questions and get help if something online is confusing or upsetting

Final Thoughts

Pornography is part of many young people’s sexual development today. And while it can bring challenges, it also opens the door for vital conversations. By approaching this topic calmly, honestly, and with empathy, you can help your child develop healthy, respectful, and realistic understandings of sexuality.

You don’t need to have all the answers. What matters most is that your child knows they can talk to you.