Talking About Masturbation and Self-Touch With Your Neurodivergent Child
Parenting a child with neurodevelopmental differences comes with many joys, challenges, and important learning moments. One area that can feel especially overwhelming for parents is how to talk about masturbation and self-touch. These are natural parts of human development, but they can carry extra complexities when a child has unique cognitive, social, or sensory needs.
This guide is here to support you in approaching the topic with compassion, clarity, and confidence.
The importance of these conversations
Masturbation is normal. Most children and teens, regardless of neurotype, discover self-touch at some point.
Safety and privacy. Children with developmental differences may need clearer, more explicit teaching about when and where private behaviors are appropriate.
Healthy sexuality. Learning accurate, shame-free information helps prevent confusion, secrecy, and risky behavior later in life.
Tips for Talking About Masturbation and Self-Touch
1. Start With Body Positivity
Use correct names for body parts and reinforce that their body belongs to them. You might say:
“This is your penis. It’s private, and only you can decide what feels comfortable.”
“This is your vulva. It’s okay to notice how it feels, but private touching should happen in your bedroom or bathroom.”
2. Teach About Privacy Clearly
For many neurodivergent children, abstract concepts like “appropriate” can be confusing. Give concrete instructions:
Touching your genitals is private behavior.
Private behaviors happen in private spaces (bedroom with door closed, bathroom).
They do not happen in public (classroom, living room, playground).
Visual supports, social stories, or role-playing can help reinforce this.
3. Normalise Curiosity, Avoid Shame
Children may masturbate because it feels good, relieves stress, or helps them self-regulate. Avoid scolding or making them feel “bad.” Instead, gently redirect if it happens in public:
“I see you’re touching yourself. That’s private. If you want to do that, go to your bedroom.”
4. Provide Guidance on Hygiene
Teach handwashing before and after, and explain the importance of clean bedding or tissues. This step is especially important if your child has sensory sensitivities.
5. Respect Developmental Readiness
Some children may show interest earlier or later than peers. Meet them where they are. Keep explanations concrete, brief, and tailored to their understanding.
6. Address Obsessive or Distressing Behaviors
If masturbation seems excessive, compulsive, or tied to anxiety, consider:
Adding calming alternatives (weighted blanket, fidget tools, movement breaks).
Seeking guidance from a therapist, sexologist, or pediatrician.
What Parents Often Ask
“Is this normal?”
Yes. Masturbation is a common, healthy part of sexual development.
“What if my child doesn’t understand privacy?”
Repeat the message often, use visuals, and stay consistent. It may take time, but many children learn with patient guidance.
“How do I stop them from doing it too much?”
Rather than focusing on stopping, redirect toward balance. If it interferes with daily activities, consult a professional.
Final Thoughts
Talking about masturbation may feel uncomfortable at first, but remember: your child learns how to feel about their body from you. By teaching about self-touch in a respectful, straightforward way, you give them tools to grow into adults who understand privacy, self-respect, and healthy sexuality.